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Joke of the day!
#51
Q: what do you call an asian drive-by? 230 189








































A: Cappuccino 298
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#52
carphreak Wrote:Q: what do you call an asian drive-by? 230 189

?







































A: Cappuccino 298
2006 Frontier CC LE NISMO SPORT Silver Streak

Mods: Custom Dynomax Exhaust, Red Calipers, Fog lights on all the time, Airaid Quickfit w/ AEM Dryflow with modified top, Headlight Adjustment Mod, Backup Lights, Leaf Spring Helpers Traction Mod, Hood Protector, 2* timing advance, APC Sport Pedals, TB Screen Delete, Ram Air Grille Mod, Power Brake Mod, Sylvania Ultra Brights

Pics of my truck and ideas http://s91.photobucket.com/albums/k302/ ... /Frontier/
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#53
get it? cap-a-chino? capuccino! haha me so corny...
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
[Image: carph3.jpg]
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#54
carphreak Wrote:get it? cap-a-chino? capuccino! haha me so corny...

Oh yeah...lol..geee...need more!!!! 165
05 Nissan Frontier 4x4, Stillen SuperCharger, BFG AT's Tongue
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#55
gotta keep this one going....this one's a bit err raunchy?


A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.
The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a hug.
The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"
He shakes his head. She kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been f****d?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#56
A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.

So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.

The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"

It's okay, still looking for a few.
Current Mods: Fog Lights, All around 20% tint, and Adjusted headlights.[/color]
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#57
Here's another one...

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."
Current Mods: Fog Lights, All around 20% tint, and Adjusted headlights.[/color]
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#58
205 205 205 200
05 Nissan Frontier 4x4, Stillen SuperCharger, BFG AT's Tongue
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#59
barcin, i have heard of that one bfore but it makes me laugh every time. priceless......hahaha
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#60
i remembered the cap lock sandi, so I have been going down the list and telling all these jokes after I quit laughing so hard hard I alrmost am crying. telling jokes here on friday while we eating pizza, fajitas, popeyes chicken and drinking beer at work, now were all 208 that great keep em coming
Bill


SAY NO TO THE TRANS TEXAS CORRIDOR
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#61
for the married members out there....


A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#62
i think it's time to revive this thread!

"You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When......"

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?".

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#63
Who is Albert Einstein's brother?








...Frank

249


250
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#64
haha took a minute for that to sink in.... 187
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#65
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice"

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My Dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold.."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."


The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that **** again;
You're in my closet now."
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#66
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#67
balage Wrote:[attachment=0]
193

207


206 206 206 That is funny right there, I love nerdi jokes
[Image: 3gears.gif]06 CC 4X2 6sp Avalanche White NISMO SPORT[Image: drive.gif]
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Click on the picture for my Frontier thread
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#68
Here are a few:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
[Image: 3gears.gif]06 CC 4X2 6sp Avalanche White NISMO SPORT[Image: drive.gif]
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#69
here's one to keep this thread alive:


A city lawyer went duck hunting in a rural town. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's paddock on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer walked up to him and asked what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.

The old farmer replied, This is my property, and you are not coming over here.

I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country and if you don't let me get that duck I'll sue you and take everything you own, boasted the lawyer.

The old farmer smiled. Apparently, you don't know how we do things up here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule.

What's that? the lawyer asked.

Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.

The attorney thought about it and figured he could take the old codger. So he agreed. The old farmer walked up to the city feller and kicked him in the groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The third kick almost knocked the lawyer out of his wits.
The lawyer slowly got to his feet and said, Okay, you old coot—now it's my turn.


The old farmer smiled and said, Nah, I give up. You can have the duck. 237
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#70
balage Wrote:Who is Albert Einstein's brother?








...Frank

249


250


It took me like 30 min to get it and i still didn't get it.
Current Mods: Fog Lights, All around 20% tint, and Adjusted headlights.[/color]
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#71
Barcin Wrote:
balage Wrote:Who is Albert Einstein's brother?








...Frank

249


250


It took me like 30 min to get it and i still didn't get it.
....Frankeinstein.

And we are crying together......
202 202
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#72
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 100 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he
thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 120 mph, then 130, then 140. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 20 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir,"
Current Mods: Fog Lights, All around 20% tint, and Adjusted headlights.[/color]
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#73
Good One Barcin!!!


here's another:

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he instructed his wife:

I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

When he died, his wife arranged a funeral for him complete with a nice casket. When it was time to bury him, the wife said,

Wait just a minute!

She came over with a box and put it in the casket. The undertakers then locked the casket down, and then rolled it away. A friend who was with the grieving wife, and who knew what the dead guy made her promise, asked:

Girl, I know you weren't a fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.

The loyal wife replied:

Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?!

I sure did, said the wife.

I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.
"it does not matter who started the thread, at the end of the day i will be it's last poster...."
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#74
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#75
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